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my face hurts from smiling so much!
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Why Sentence Structure Is So Important...
The boss had to fire somebody and he narrowed it down to one of two people, Mary or Jack.
It was an impossible decision because they were both great workers.
Rather than just flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.
Mary came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night.
She went straight to the water cooler to take a drink with a couple of aspirins.
The boss approached her and said:
'Mary, I've never done this before, but I either have to lay you or Jack off '
'Could you jack off?' she says.....'I feel like shit this morning.Comment
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Chinese guy walks into a bar.
The bartender is black.
Chinese guys says,
"Gimmie a jigger, nigger!"
The black guy is shocked, but gives him a shot.
The Chinese guy does the same thing.
The black guy gets pissed but still gives him another shot.
The Chinese guy says it again.
The black guy is royally pissed now.
He yells,
"You get back here! I'm going to do the same thing to you and you can see how it feels."
The black guy storms out and the Chinese guy gets behind the bar.
The black guy walks in and yells,
"Gimmie a drink, chink!"
The Chinese guys says,
"Sorry. We don't serve niggers here!"Comment
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A very loud, unattractive, hard-faced woman walks into Big W with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
The door greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Big W - nice children you've got there -- are they twins?"
The fat ugly woman stops screaming long enough to snarl: Of course they bloody aren't! The oldest, he's 9 and the younger one, she's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins?..... Do you really think they look alike, ya dickhead?"
"Absolutely not," replies the greeter, "I just can't believe anyone would want to root you twice!"Comment
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I went to the doctor the other day and found out my new doctor is a young female doctor, blonde and drop dead gorgeous. I was embarrassed but she said "Don'y worry I'm a professional. I've seen it all before. Just tell me what's wrong and I'll help you in any way I can"......I said I think my c0ck tastes funny.Comment
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Whats the difference between an Ironman and an IronWoman.
An Ironman is a comic book superhero. The other is a simple instruction.Alcohol never solved any life problems.....then again neither did milk.Comment
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My wife told me that she wanted to give me a deep throat blow job a month ago.
"Really!?"
"No," she replied, "April Fogarbnsrgabsjg...."
That'll teach her to try to be funnyComment
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I was clubbing the other night and I was totally pissed. I walked up to this beautiful blonde and said, "Duck my sick!"
She said, "You're drunk - don't you mean suck my dick?"
I puked on her and said... "No!"Comment
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A blonde and a brunette are talking in the office...
Blonde: I'm not feeling very well... I have a sore throat.
Brunette: When I have a sore throat, I give my husband a blow job... the next day, my throat is fine.
Blonde: Hmm... interesting.
The next day...
Brunette: How's your throat?
Blonde: Fine... your idea was great! Your husband couldn't believe it was your idea!Comment
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Thats some quality there shadow and so is the chink oneOriginally posted by shadow View Post
By the way, how realistic are those new 3D tv's.
I dozed off last night watching a documentary about aborigines and when i woke up my wallet was gone!Comment
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What has 100 legs & 4 teeth?
The front row of the south sydney cheersquad!Comment
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A farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop to have his truck fixed.
They couldn't do it while he waited,so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.
On the way home he stopped at the hardware Store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint.
He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose.
However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home..
While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost.
She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?'
The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact,my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.'
The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket.
Carry the bucket in one hand,put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?'
'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.
On the way he says 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley.
We'll be there in no time.'
The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said,
'I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me.. How do I know that when we get in the alley
you won't hold me up against the wall,pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?'
The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady!
I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'
The old lady replied,
'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket,and I'll hold the chickens.Comment
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What wobbles and flys?
A jellycopter.
That was the very first joke I understood and laughed at. And I still remember it to this day. Isn't that odd.
Chook.Comment
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God visited a man and told him he must give up smoking, drinking and sex if he wants to get into heaven.....
The man said he would try his best.
God visited the man a week later to see how he was getting on.
"Not bad" said the man,
"I've given up smoking and drinking but when the wife bent over the lounge suite and I caught sight of her long slender legs, I pull her skirt up, pulled her knickers to one side and gave her one right there ".
"They don't like that in heaven", said God...
The man replied
"They're not too happy about it in Harvey Norman either!"
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