Rudd tells Newman what he really thinks

[stsae]

Link: http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/quee...713-2pwp3.html

Rudd tells Newman what he really thinks

[Guest]

Hands off balmoral beach newman!!!

[Johnny.]

This has inspired me to recount my day.

I went out on one of my regular luncheons with a past doyenne of the old ALP today. No names, as that seems to get me into trouble, so let's just say he shares the name of a Pope, a Beatle and a man with a rotten foot.

We ate near the site of what could have been for this man and he brought a special guest. This man once ran a fiefdom, after taking over from another man who ran a fiefdom with help from the Eskimo Prince’s best friend and a Newspaper critic with an intense dislike for people who liked terrace housing. The guest tried to convince me to buy cleaning products in a voice like a scraping violin. Or was it buy into a business supplying cleaning products, I couldn’t tell with the voice he said came from pissing off the wrong surgeon who cut his throat. “He was probably a mate of the bloke who played Peter O’Brien.”

The doyenne, he of the Liverpudlian Footballing Papacy, discussed the current leader of the artist formerly known as the ALP. He said the new old leader of the party had a lot in common with the former leader of the other side. They both had women who were stronger than them, much like Deputy Droopy, the Italian Pony “whose wife scares the shit out of me and I was married to a woman who thought she was in an Ingmar Bergman film”, who told them what to do. He went on to explain that Droopy copped the nickname Silverback Gorilla, “not because he was big and scary but because they have the smallest dick of the animal kingdom.”

He said, “John, it’s like when `the bastard Rumpole of the Bedsit’ wanted to jump ship after being bullshitted by that finocchio junior G-man, ‘Phyllida Erskine-Brown’ told him to retract it as she wanted to be a liberal prime minister’s wife who didn’t get box cancer from that hasidic chick’s mother.” That and she didn’t want the common as muck Rhode Scholar to get the job. She was purported to have said ‘they gave a Scholarship to someone who would screw a journalist from the Mirror, so they can’t be so prestigious and who would want to be associated with a school started by an English Cricketer anyway?’

The L.F.P. and I went on to discuss the new leader of the G.F.P. (the G isn’t Grand, it’s Godlessly and the F isn’t Funked) and his one man mission to get Medusa, who got him. He said, “it was, to quote that bug eyed ****wit from Not So Oop North, ‘beautiful in it’s ugliness.’ and put my go at it with the bloke who was played by the bloke who played the Dodger and rooted both Ita Buttrose and Maggie Doyle to shame.” He said he had no love for the Gorgon bitch but ‘at least you could take her at her word, she told she was going to rat**** you before she did it but the milky eyed kid (he didn’t say kid) would do you slowly then send you a memo that had been through a committee or a 20/20 summit first.’

After lunch we took the cleaning king back to his place of residence, which he shares with another crowd sanctioned king that wasn’t made for his times, and went off to the local (well, it was a hike to Paddo) to get a drink. We ran into Deputy Droopy who said he was going to get some shameful joy from his favorite ladyboy in his own private GloryHole. We politely declined as the L.F.P. had to get back to his house (he never called them homes) that he was remodeling and “They’re delivering a French Ormolu and marble striking mantle clock and I don’t want them to bloody drop it or put it over a fireplace.”

I had a glass of Courvoisier (which always makes me gag) and left the L.F.P. listening to Mahler on his Ipod. He promised me that we would “talk anon of the end of the world and learning to say Prime Minister Abbott without adding ‘you suck balls.'" Balls that the man who will never be king didn’t have.

[Salvatori Grubber]

"No names, as that seems to get me into trouble, so let's just say he shares the name of a Pope, a Beatle and a man with a rotten foot"

Pius George Leprosy?

[Johnny.]

A gallent effort but no.

[Salvatori Grubber]

Hmmmmm. How about John-Paul John Gangrene?

[Salvatori Grubber]

Your wee story reminded me of Mike Carlton's piece today in the SMH.

[Johnny.]

Your wee story reminded me of Mike Carlton's piece today in the SMH.

It was...motivated by reading that.

But I was bitter a long, long time before he was.

[Johnny.]

Hmmmmm. How about John-Paul John Gangrene?

The Minneapolis twin.

[Hawkeye]

Hmmmmm. How about John-Paul John Gangrene?

I was thinking it was Francis Ringo Gout ?

[Salvatori Grubber]

That would make a great Punk front-man's pseudonym in the spirit of Rat Scabies.

[Salvatori Grubber]

It was...motivated by reading that.

But I was bitter a long, long time before he was.

He is so bitter, and when I read his shit I often think to myself, imagine a conservative writer going off, class-warfare-stylee the way Carlton does – I'd find them beneath contempt, and then I think about Gerard H*nderson and his mealy-mouthed, toadying, execrable attempts at conveying insight without a skerrick of wit and irony and I realise that Carlton is just awesome – representing my own political views in a less-than-subtle way: leftist, angry, tough, jaded and usually right. In a universe where the media is almost without question a fat, sweaty man's arse crack, thank christ we have the Fairfax press.

[Guest]

I was thinking it was Francis Ringo Gout ?

Joan Yoko Gangerous?

[stsae]

So did anyone think it mildly amusing Rudd isn't a fan of the Newman Man either???

I mean that was the point you political animals.

Ruined a good thread.

[Salvatori Grubber]

; )