Rudd tells Newman what he really thinks

[stsae]

Old age is a curse stacey. You just know that the butterscotch stallion would have been all over this!!!

Like a blowy on a freshly laid steamer my friend.

[Guest]

More Brendan Behan, Sean O'Casey and George Bernard Shaw but I have my outlet. I mean I ghost wrote J.K. Rowling's crime book for her.

You seem more Lee Harvey Oswold, Martin Bryant trying to vent on the Mickey Mouse club?

[Johnny.]

You seem more Lee Harvey Oswold, Martin Bryant trying to vent on the Mickey Mouse club?

I'm starting a poetry/ALP leader appreciation society with Peter Kocan and Phuong Ngo.

[Guest]

I'm starting a poetry/ALP leader appreciation society with Peter Kocan and Phuong Ngo.

Leaving Pauline out would be a sin.

[Johnny.]

Leaving Pauline out would be a sin.

I've read some of Pauline's musings. They're all about the strange bend in David Oldfield's penis.

[Guest]

I've read some of Pauline's musings. They're all about the strange bend in David Oldfield's penis.

LOL, there's something about Fatty Vautin in drag that excites all hot blooded politically minded aussie male Rugby League supporters?

[Johnny.]

LOL, there's something about Fatty Vautin in drag that excites all hot blooded politically minded aussie male Rugby League supporters?

That's a non-secretor.

[Guest]

That's a non-secretor.

Not into redheads?

[Johnny.]

Not into redheads?

Only Christina Hendricks and that redhead from Shake It Up

[stsae]

Only Christina Hendricks and that redhead from Shake It Up

Kerrrrrrrrrrrplunk???

[Guest]

Only Christina Hendricks and that redhead from Shake It Up

Can't argue with that mate.. When it comes to slap and tickle you wear the Crown.

[Guest]

I'm starting a poetry/ALP leader appreciation society with Peter Kocan and Phuong Ngo.

Lol..

Why do i picture you more as Peter Foster??..

[Salvatori Grubber]

That's a non-secretor.

What a great Freudian misspel.

[Johnny.]

Lol..

Why do i picture you more as Peter Foster??..

Peter File?

Oh, no wait. I'm not a Mad_Butcher, I'm not a SKD, nor yet a foreign minister...but I do like kids.

[Guest]

This has inspired me to recount my day.

I went out on one of my regular luncheons with a past doyenne of the old ALP today. No names, as that seems to get me into trouble, so let's just say he shares the name of a Pope, a Beatle and a man with a rotten foot.

We ate near the site of what could have been for this man and he brought a special guest. This man once ran a fiefdom, after taking over from another man who ran a fiefdom with help from the Eskimo Prince’s best friend and a Newspaper critic with an intense dislike for people who liked terrace housing. The guest tried to convince me to buy cleaning products in a voice like a scraping violin. Or was it buy into a business supplying cleaning products, I couldn’t tell with the voice he said came from pissing off the wrong surgeon who cut his throat. “He was probably a mate of the bloke who played Peter O’Brien.”

The doyenne, he of the Liverpudlian Footballing Papacy, discussed the current leader of the artist formerly known as the ALP. He said the new old leader of the party had a lot in common with the former leader of the other side. They both had women who were stronger than them, much like Deputy Droopy, the Italian Pony “whose wife scares the shit out of me and I was married to a woman who thought she was in an Ingmar Bergman film”, who told them what to do. He went on to explain that Droopy copped the nickname Silverback Gorilla, “not because he was big and scary but because they have the smallest dick of the animal kingdom.”

He said, “John, it’s like when `the bastard Rumpole of the Bedsit’ wanted to jump ship after being bullshitted by that finocchio junior G-man, ‘Phyllida Erskine-Brown’ told him to retract it as she wanted to be a liberal prime minister’s wife who didn’t get box cancer from that hasidic chick’s mother.” That and she didn’t want the common as muck Rhode Scholar to get the job. She was purported to have said ‘they gave a Scholarship to someone who would screw a journalist from the Mirror, so they can’t be so prestigious and who would want to be associated with a school started by an English Cricketer anyway?’

The L.F.P. and I went on to discuss the new leader of the G.F.P. (the G isn’t Grand, it’s Godlessly and the F isn’t Funked) and his one man mission to get Medusa, who got him. He said, “it was, to quote that bug eyed ****wit from Not So Oop North, ‘beautiful in it’s ugliness.’ and put my go at it with the bloke who was played by the bloke who played the Dodger and rooted both Ita Buttrose and Maggie Doyle to shame.” He said he had no love for the Gorgon bitch but ‘at least you could take her at her word, she told she was going to rat**** you before she did it but the milky eyed kid (he didn’t say kid) would do you slowly then send you a memo that had been through a committee or a 20/20 summit first.’

After lunch we took the cleaning king back to his place of residence, which he shares with another crowd sanctioned king that wasn’t made for his times, and went off to the local (well, it was a hike to Paddo) to get a drink. We ran into Deputy Droopy who said he was going to get some shameful joy from his favorite ladyboy in his own private GloryHole. We politely declined as the L.F.P. had to get back to his house (he never called them homes) that he was remodeling and “They’re delivering a French Ormolu and marble striking mantle clock and I don’t want them to bloody drop it or put it over a fireplace.”

I had a glass of Courvoisier (which always makes me gag) and left the L.F.P. listening to Mahler on his Ipod. He promised me that we would “talk anon of the end of the world and learning to say Prime Minister Abbott without adding ‘you suck balls.'" Balls that the man who will never be king didn’t have.

How many bottles had you sloshed down when you wrote that piece of fiction?