Simpsons Quotes

[Guest]

Quick operator, give the number for 911!!!

Press any key? Which one is the any key??

This thread is becoming top quality

[Guest]

Homer: How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?

Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday.
Homer: Woo-hoo. Four-day weekend!

[Guest]

Bart: Dad, what's a Muppet?
Homer: Well, it's not quite a mop, not quite a puppet, but man... (laughs, then pauses) So, to answer you question, I don't know.

[supermario]

Grandpa: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star.
---------

Homer: Marge? Since I'm not talking to Lisa, would you please ask her to pass me the syrup?
Marge: Dear, please pass your father the syrup, Lisa.
Lisa: Bart, tell Dad I will only pass the syrup if it won't be used on any meat product.
Bart: You dunkin' your sausages in that syrup homeboy?
Homer: Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning.
Marge: Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart.
Homer: Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out.
Marge: Homer, you're not not-talking to me and secondly I heard what you said.
Homer: Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case.
Bart: Uhhh, dad, Lisa's the one you're not talking to.
Homer: Bart, go to your room.

-------------------

Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.

[supermario]

Homer: Homer no function beer well without.
----------------------

Barney: Hello, my name is Barney Gumble, and I'm an alcoholic.
Lisa: Mr Gumble, this is a girl scouts meeting.
Barney: Is it, or is it you girls can't admit that you have a problem?
----------------------------

Homer: Got any of that beer that has candy floating in it? You know, Skittlebrau?
Apu: Such a beer does not exist, sir. I think you must have dreamed it.
Homer: Oh. Well, then just give me a six-pack and a couple of bags of Skittles

[supermario]

Homer: From now on, there are three ways to do things: the right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way.
Bart: Isn't that just the wrong way?
Homer: Yeah, but faster!

----------------------

Burns: I suggest you leave immediately
Homer: Or what? You'll release the dogs or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you?

------------------------

Bart Simpson (spelling "Impervious" in a spelling B): I...M...P
Nelson: Bart is pee!
Ralph Wiggum: I made Bart in my pants!

--------------------------------------

Ralph: That's my swingset, and that's my sandbox. I'm not allowed to go in the deep end. And this is where I met the leprechaun.
Bart: Right, the leprechaun.
Ralph: He told me to burn things.

[supermario]

Ralph (To a wolf): Will you be my mommy? You smell like dead bunnies...

The Wolf must have been a roosters fan !!!!

[Guest]

Barney: Hey, Homer, I'm worried about the beer supply. After this case, and the other case, there's only one case left!

Ralph: Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!

Ralph: Daddy, I'm scared. Too scared to even wet my pants.
Chief Wiggum: Just relax and it'll come, son.

[Guest]

Homer: How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?

Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday.
Homer: Woo-hoo. Four-day weekend!

Bart: Dad, what's a Muppet?
Homer: Well, it's not quite a mop, not quite a puppet, but man... (laughs, then pauses) So, to answer you question, I don't know.

3 of my favourites!!!!!

[Guest]

Favourite episodes everyone??

Lisa the Vegetarian (so many classic quotes)
The Max Power episode
more to come....

hehe and
Marge as a gambling addict "you made you little girl cry! and then i cried... then Maggie laughed, she's such a little trooper"

[Guest]

Homer: Olive oil? Asparagus? If your mother wasn't so fancy we could shop at the gas station like normal people
[A couple of minutes later]
Homer: You know I've always felt sorry for Marge but this is fun
Bart: Yeah I wish Maggie had to go to the emergency room more often
[Scene switches to hospital]
Dr Hippert: I've never heard of a baby swallowing a magazine before
Marge: I don't know if this matters but it was a Time Magazine
Dr Hippert: Oh oh! This could be deadly
[Marge gasps]
Dr Hippert [Reading the magazine]: Motor bike riders and gaining influence

[Guest]

[Scene: Science Fair]
Skinner: Well for a school with no Asian kids I think we put on a darn good science fair
[Skinner sees Bart with a machine "Go-go-Ray]
Skinner: Go-Go Ray?
Bart: Allow me to demonstrate
[Bart zaps Skinner and Skinner starts jumping around, he zaps all the other teachers who do the same thing, Skinner then puts a ribbon on Bart's chest]
Skinner: First prize! First prize
[Bart wakes up and finds it was just Lisa saying that]

[Scene: Krusty with a puppet]
Krusty: So you want tranquelism do you? I have a riddle for you, [Krusty says the riddle]
Krusty [Intimidating puppet's voice]: I don't know but I want to ask you why is a...
[Bottom half of puppet's jaw falls off and children scream]
Krusty: What it won't hurt you, It's not even alive!
[Krusty knocks puppet of the head and a bit of it falls off, kids scream again]
[Krusty picks up the puppet and throw it at the children who scream again]

[Guest]

[Scene: Homer and Apu are at the world hq of Kwik-E-Mart and they see the CEO to get Apu his job back]
CEO: You may ask me three questions
Apu: Good because all I need is one
Homer (interrupting): Are you really the CEO?
CEO: Yes
Homer: Really?
CEO: Yes
Homer: Really?
CEO: Yes. I hope this eperience has been rewarding
Apu: But..
CEO: Thank you come again
Apu: But..
CEO: Thank you come again

[Scene: Bart has an elephant that Homer chain up in the backyard]
Homer: Maybe if we chained it down it wouldn't get so hungry
Lisa: You can't do that Dad it's cruel
Homer: Oh everything's cruel to you, chaining him up in the backyard it cruel, pulling on his tail is cruel, screaming in his ears is cruel. SO EXCUSE ME! If I'm cruel!

[Scene: Skinner and Krabappel arguing]
Krabappel: Skinner the teacher's are fed up. You have to start putting money back in the school. You've cut back on anything, salaries, supplies the food - I don't care what you say I can taste the newspaper
Skinner: Posh, Shredded newspapers add much needed roughage and essential inks. Besides you didn't notice the old gym mats
(Scene shifts briefly to Lunchlady Doris squeezing the stuffing in the gym mats into a machine)
Doris: There's very litte meat in these gym mats
(Scene switches back to Skinner and Krabappel)
Krabappel: Our demands our simple, by ignoring them you're selling out these children's futures!
Skinner (Strenly): Oh come on Edna we both know these children have no futures!!!
[Skinner pauses on seeing all the kids are watching them]
Skinner: Prove me wrong kids, prove me wrong!

[Later in the same episodes]
Marge: I'm worried about the kids, Lisa is behaving strange, this morning she was trying to disect her own raincoat...And Bart isn't doing very well either he needs boundries, there's something about flying a kite at night that's strange
[Marge looks outside and sees Bart flying a kite]
Bart (Sweetly with nearly closed eyes and a smile): Hello Mother Dear
Marge: That's it [Closing the curtains] We have to get the kids back to school!

[Guest]

ok some of those arent funny....
its like a finding hay in a haystack and you pick out the needle...