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The "No D**khead Policy" in player recruitment apparently originated from Sydney Swans coach Paul Roos. People have indicated that the Roosters might have adopted this policy in recent times.
Here is a 10-point test that might help the club in its future purchases. (Thanks to Lindsay from the Rolling Maul blog.)
ARE YOU A D**KHEAD?
Sober up and then answer these 10 questions honestly to determine if you are a d**khead. Keep score as you go:
1) Rate your tattoos:
None (0 points), One small one (1 point), More than one (2 points). Add bonus points for every neck or sleeve tattoo or a tramp stamp. Add more bonus points if you've misspelt your child's name or have had to ink out an ex-girlfriend's name.
2) Have you ever spent the night in a police lock-up?
No (0 points), Once (1 point), More than once (2 points). Add a bonus point if you can't remember how many times because you were too drunk. Add a further bonus point if you've spent at least a night in a police lock-up in more than one country.
3) Do you drink?
No (-1 point), One or two sometimes at home with the missus (0 points), Only when we win (1 point), Sometimes with my mates (2 points). Add a bonus point if you also drink when you lose. Add another bonus point if you're drinking right now.
4) How impressive are your pecs and your six-pack?
They're there somewhere under the flab (0 points), None of your business (1 point), Good enough for the sport that I play (2 points), Awesome (3 points). Add a bonus point if you're ever appeared on Twitter showing them off. Add another bonus point if you've ever walked home from a nightclub with your shirt off.
5) Drugs?
Yeah, thanks (1 point), Only for headcolds and migraines (-1 point), Used to take some 'relaxation medication' back when I was a young-un (0 points), If the team says it's OK then it must be OK (2 points), A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do if he wants to play with the big boys (3 points). Add a bonus point if that red spot on your arm is a 'mosquito bite'.
6) Describe your use of electronic social media:
Had a shortwave radio-set when I was a kid (-1 point), Use social media to promote my team's charities and good causes (1 point), Use social media to connect with my fans (2 points), Use social media to show off my pecs and tatts (3 points). Add a bonus point for any of the following that you look at at least once every two days: Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram, Flickr, Foursquare, Blogger, Google+, Pinterest or MySpace.
7) Who does your hair?
My mum (-1 point), A barber (0 points), A hairdresser (1 point), A teammate (2 points). Add a bonus point if you've ever had a design or words carved into your hair. Add a bonus point if you use product. Add another bonus point if you use any colouring.
8) How do you celebrate scoring a try or a goal (soccer, Aussie Rules)?
I don't I just get on with the game (0 points), Fist pump (1 point), Salute the fans (2 points), Nazi salute (10 points), Shadow box (3 points), Take my shirt off (4 points), Cartwheels (4 points). Subtract a point if you've never scored a try or a goal.
9) How good are you?
That's not for me to judge (0 points), Still improving (1 point), F**king awesome (4 points)
10) Do you think you're a d**khead?
Yes (0 points), No (3 points)
TOTALS AND DESCRIPTIONS
0 and less
Not only are you not a d**khead, you're barely a man.
1-10
To the extent that nearly everyone has some d**khead inside them, you're a d**khead. But fortunately for you, your d**khead tendencies are pretty isolated and may even endear you to your fans. If you do 'cross the line' you have enough brownie points to seek redemption and come out the end even more popular. You're an asset to your team and to the game you play.
11-15
There is hope for you, but not much. Your d**khead tendencies tend to get the better of you and there's a good chance you're on probation, if not by your team then by the police. Shape up or ship out.
16 and more
There's no escaping the fact that you're a d**khead. Nothing you do will change that. Your reputation will precede you and you'll spend more time in the papers for your off-field antics than your on-field performance. The good news for you is that not every team has a 'no d**kheads' policy. The Melbourne Rebels spring to mind, and then there's always Rugby League.
Here is a 10-point test that might help the club in its future purchases. (Thanks to Lindsay from the Rolling Maul blog.)
ARE YOU A D**KHEAD?
Sober up and then answer these 10 questions honestly to determine if you are a d**khead. Keep score as you go:
1) Rate your tattoos:
None (0 points), One small one (1 point), More than one (2 points). Add bonus points for every neck or sleeve tattoo or a tramp stamp. Add more bonus points if you've misspelt your child's name or have had to ink out an ex-girlfriend's name.
2) Have you ever spent the night in a police lock-up?
No (0 points), Once (1 point), More than once (2 points). Add a bonus point if you can't remember how many times because you were too drunk. Add a further bonus point if you've spent at least a night in a police lock-up in more than one country.
3) Do you drink?
No (-1 point), One or two sometimes at home with the missus (0 points), Only when we win (1 point), Sometimes with my mates (2 points). Add a bonus point if you also drink when you lose. Add another bonus point if you're drinking right now.
4) How impressive are your pecs and your six-pack?
They're there somewhere under the flab (0 points), None of your business (1 point), Good enough for the sport that I play (2 points), Awesome (3 points). Add a bonus point if you're ever appeared on Twitter showing them off. Add another bonus point if you've ever walked home from a nightclub with your shirt off.
5) Drugs?
Yeah, thanks (1 point), Only for headcolds and migraines (-1 point), Used to take some 'relaxation medication' back when I was a young-un (0 points), If the team says it's OK then it must be OK (2 points), A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do if he wants to play with the big boys (3 points). Add a bonus point if that red spot on your arm is a 'mosquito bite'.
6) Describe your use of electronic social media:
Had a shortwave radio-set when I was a kid (-1 point), Use social media to promote my team's charities and good causes (1 point), Use social media to connect with my fans (2 points), Use social media to show off my pecs and tatts (3 points). Add a bonus point for any of the following that you look at at least once every two days: Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram, Flickr, Foursquare, Blogger, Google+, Pinterest or MySpace.
7) Who does your hair?
My mum (-1 point), A barber (0 points), A hairdresser (1 point), A teammate (2 points). Add a bonus point if you've ever had a design or words carved into your hair. Add a bonus point if you use product. Add another bonus point if you use any colouring.
8) How do you celebrate scoring a try or a goal (soccer, Aussie Rules)?
I don't I just get on with the game (0 points), Fist pump (1 point), Salute the fans (2 points), Nazi salute (10 points), Shadow box (3 points), Take my shirt off (4 points), Cartwheels (4 points). Subtract a point if you've never scored a try or a goal.
9) How good are you?
That's not for me to judge (0 points), Still improving (1 point), F**king awesome (4 points)
10) Do you think you're a d**khead?
Yes (0 points), No (3 points)
TOTALS AND DESCRIPTIONS
0 and less
Not only are you not a d**khead, you're barely a man.
1-10
To the extent that nearly everyone has some d**khead inside them, you're a d**khead. But fortunately for you, your d**khead tendencies are pretty isolated and may even endear you to your fans. If you do 'cross the line' you have enough brownie points to seek redemption and come out the end even more popular. You're an asset to your team and to the game you play.
11-15
There is hope for you, but not much. Your d**khead tendencies tend to get the better of you and there's a good chance you're on probation, if not by your team then by the police. Shape up or ship out.
16 and more
There's no escaping the fact that you're a d**khead. Nothing you do will change that. Your reputation will precede you and you'll spend more time in the papers for your off-field antics than your on-field performance. The good news for you is that not every team has a 'no d**kheads' policy. The Melbourne Rebels spring to mind, and then there's always Rugby League.
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