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Sydney Roosters NRL recruit Justin Carney doesn't paint a pretty picture of how he looked and felt during his darkest time.
"Half a bunged-up leg, an overweight fat gut and down in the dumps. I became this massive monster," said Bondi's latest Carney of the horrific injury he suffered playing for Canberra in 2009, which nearly destroyed him, physically and mentally.
"You don't like seeing yourself in the mirror, I'll tell you. I wasn't feeling great."
The flying winger scored two tries for the Raiders on debut against Brisbane in 2008, and was identified as one of the game's brightest stars in the inaugural Toyota Cup team of the same year.
Carney scored seven tries in 2009, before his season was ended in round 17 when he snapped the tibia and fractured the fibula in his right leg.
The break was so severe the then 20-year-old went into shock and medical staff were forced to administer morphine before stretchering him from the field.
Facing six months on the sidelines, Carney freely admits he didn't do his rehabilitation justice.
Carney ate and drank too much, and took a seamless return to health for granted.
He ballooned out to more than 110kg - 13kg above his playing weight - and the lightning quick and ox-like Carney was a shadow of his former self.
He never made it back into first grade for the Raiders and languished in their Queensland Cup team for the remainder of 2010.
Carney has revealed he was having some very dark thoughts and was close to giving it all away and heading home to Nyngan.
Stuck in a funk, he signed with the Roosters, desperate for a turnaround.
"I was getting overweight pretty quick not running. I've just got that physique I suppose," recalled Carney.
"I went out and being stupid and I got a bit too comfy. I got into that comfort zone where I was mucking up a bit, I wasn't going on like an idiot ... but in the back of my mind I knew I hadn't given myself the best opportunity to do it.
"You're lacking confidence and you want to improve but you just can't.
"I wasn't planning much for the following year, I'll tell you. I was going to go home. It wasn't a good time, but I'm here now."
Carney said he feels more at home at the Roosters than he's been in his life, and that new coach Brian Smith has restored his confidence.
Now he's shooting for a starting spot in the backline for round one.
"I'm heading in the right direction preparing myself for the season," he said.
"Everything's just fallen into place."
"Half a bunged-up leg, an overweight fat gut and down in the dumps. I became this massive monster," said Bondi's latest Carney of the horrific injury he suffered playing for Canberra in 2009, which nearly destroyed him, physically and mentally.
"You don't like seeing yourself in the mirror, I'll tell you. I wasn't feeling great."
The flying winger scored two tries for the Raiders on debut against Brisbane in 2008, and was identified as one of the game's brightest stars in the inaugural Toyota Cup team of the same year.
Carney scored seven tries in 2009, before his season was ended in round 17 when he snapped the tibia and fractured the fibula in his right leg.
The break was so severe the then 20-year-old went into shock and medical staff were forced to administer morphine before stretchering him from the field.
Facing six months on the sidelines, Carney freely admits he didn't do his rehabilitation justice.
Carney ate and drank too much, and took a seamless return to health for granted.
He ballooned out to more than 110kg - 13kg above his playing weight - and the lightning quick and ox-like Carney was a shadow of his former self.
He never made it back into first grade for the Raiders and languished in their Queensland Cup team for the remainder of 2010.
Carney has revealed he was having some very dark thoughts and was close to giving it all away and heading home to Nyngan.
Stuck in a funk, he signed with the Roosters, desperate for a turnaround.
"I was getting overweight pretty quick not running. I've just got that physique I suppose," recalled Carney.
"I went out and being stupid and I got a bit too comfy. I got into that comfort zone where I was mucking up a bit, I wasn't going on like an idiot ... but in the back of my mind I knew I hadn't given myself the best opportunity to do it.
"You're lacking confidence and you want to improve but you just can't.
"I wasn't planning much for the following year, I'll tell you. I was going to go home. It wasn't a good time, but I'm here now."
Carney said he feels more at home at the Roosters than he's been in his life, and that new coach Brian Smith has restored his confidence.
Now he's shooting for a starting spot in the backline for round one.
"I'm heading in the right direction preparing myself for the season," he said.
"Everything's just fallen into place."
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