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Melon's Matchups 2016 - RND 7 - Chooks V Pussies
First for the year and for a long time too. What a disasterous start to 2016. But hopefully well win a few. Remember 2002? We had a horror injury run and then came firing in teh semis to blow away everyone. Well forget it, we blew teh last two seasons and this year we aint coming back. But we wouldnt be chooks fans without what Dr. Smith prescribes...oh the pain!
1. Mitchell V Moylan - People compare this young chook whos still finding his feet, to Greg Inglis. Personally I cant see it because this kid doesnt dive at the feet of defenders. Nor does he hold the ankle of an attacker as he gets up after tackling them. If he did the other team would get the penlty, unlike teflon Souffs. He takes on the Whiz of the Bris, the wiff from the Riff, The King of Metho from Letho - The Snip. Sharp as a razor you gotta get in tight with this guy or he'll slice you up and dance all over you.
2. Tupou V Mansour - Hot and cold for the lanky Mr Hanky thus far. Its hard to get confident when the team is falling apart around you like a methodone addict from Mt.Druitt Hospital. Hes starting to score some points and with that you can see the relief as he loses that bogged down feeling. He's up against "Leather" Masour, who was an old Western Suburbs leather furniture dealer in the 70s.Not to be mistaken for Leather Tuscadero from Happy Days, the only commonality between this guy and his opposite, is his opposite is called Double Steamer, whwereas this guy plays like one.
3. Elliot V Waqa Blake - Last time I saw this guy was at St.Merge Leagues club in 1995 doing pan faced comedy. 20 years later, "Goblet" is making everyone laugh at centre three quarter. Hes up against the little Kookaburra on the pack of a Billabong ice cream. As the slogan goes..Wakya laughing gear around a Pauls Billabong. This guy will struggle tonight having mistaken BillaBong, for Billy's Bong.
4. Ferguson V Hiku - One of my fave shows in the 70s was On The Buses. And the funniest clown on there was Blakey. Forever trying to get Stan the driver sacked for being a lazy pom bludging twat, he's up against "Hiccup". This matchup is completely comnfusing to me. Blakey the conductor looks like he's got the hiccups when he runs the ball, and the kid with the hiccups runs like a ****ing bus conductor. Look out for the Riff sound guy to queue the theme from Benny Hill as they run out.
5. SKD v Dallin - Skidmark is somewhat an enigma at the Chooks. From a young raw teen making his debut knowing how to sniff a tryline and bomb crucial tries with the best of them, he's grown into a club record holder and legend, who knows how to sniff the try line and bomb crucial tries with the rest of them. Looking forward to seeing him matchup with Darlene from Letho. She'll be looking at making an early impact and trying to get on top of Skidmark, as if he was one of the three fathers to her 5 kids.
6. Nikorima V Martin - The thing I like about this kid is he actually has everything you want from a player, stashed away in his arsenal and hopefully we'll see some of that tonight. He's like a vending machine in Nagasaki. From a bottle of Sake, to toilet paper rolls, this kids your one stop shop. He's up against the classy brit Aston. MAde famous by JAmes Bond films he too is equiped with the element of surprise in his arsenal. Who am I kidding, Vending MAchine is more bubble gum ball machine, and Aston is more Koucher.
7. Hastings V Soward - Lil Hoz, son of the great man Horrie, still has a way to go in the 7, but is growing into the role with each hit out. He's up against ex Chook and Merge Stain ia a veteran of several Chipmunk films as well as a 10 EP record deal with Arista - Alvin's the guy whos always running around with a mouth full of nuts, and is always out to give us a hard time. If its close, his boot may be the difference. In comparison, Lil Hoz needs to find a bigger boot.
8. Moa V Mckendry - He was bagged earlier on this season for a sluggish start, and maybe the new rules on interchange was denting his impact, but he's starting to zip start first go and is covering the grass as well as ever, mowing dowewn meters relentlessly. He's up against Mrs. I had a kindegarten teacher Called Mrs McKendry. She was a hippy chick who played guitar, probably liked to wakya laughing gear around billy's too, but I remember she had cute toes. It was the only foot fetish I can recall having - at age 6. Unfortunately for this guy, he cant even tie his own laces.
9. Friend V Wallace - The sandwich hand has spent so much time in Bondi Ink he has sleeves on his sleeves on his sleeves. He looks like he swallowed Todd Carney and Asia Carerra. He's probably entitled to shares in the beach side ink den. He's up against a bit of a journeyman in Insolent Kilt. Like his name sake of Scottish folk lore, he is talked about as a hero of them Riff highlands. In actual fact he's nothing more than a nuisance, and will end up drawn quartered and strung up as a prop in teh next Wolf Creek movie.
10. Napa V Campbell - LAst week we saw teh coming of age from Napalm who scorched the earth with every run and every monsterous tackle against The Vermin. He will continue his dominance this week as he's matched up with "Galveston". Like the song by Glen Campbell, not as good as made out to be. Still, CAmpbell won a Grammy, but the only gong this guys going to get is the bellringing from Napalm.
11. Aubbuson V Cartwright - I reckion the best this year so far has been Nanny McPhee. This ugly spinster has shown the discipline and commitment of a winner even in a losing side. I liove how he just does whats expected, never complains and just loves the jersey. He's facing old time family favourite "Come on Down". We'll see this kid excitedly take the field but when push comes to show will he choose the car in front of the blender? Probably. Ba Bow!
12. Guerra V YEo - Dirty Sanchez has had a sluggish start to the season. Its not easy coming back when youre constantly sent over the boarder by immigration, only to have the cartel bosses spin you around and send you back over. He;s dropped teh p[ackage more than delivered this season. Lets hope he isnt relegated to Taco commercials. He's got to lift as he takes on Yo-Yo. This kid is not a flash in the pan. He's solid, consistent, and will need a disciplined effort to put his into a spin.
13. Liu V Merrin - There's rumours of a third installment of Charlie's Angels. Lucy will be called back for encore but this time she'll be out to steal the show from CAmeron Diaz and Drew BArrimore. Speaking of haor lip, "HAir Lip" is called this because when you say his name you sound like you have a cleft palette or hair lip. It doesnt matter what ity is, nobodys listening to him anyway.
Look Im not confident. I dont even know where were playing at. But What I do know is Skid mark will score tonight, bomb one and gift them posession on our 20 on the 2nd carry.
Having said that, Chooks by 12.
First for the year and for a long time too. What a disasterous start to 2016. But hopefully well win a few. Remember 2002? We had a horror injury run and then came firing in teh semis to blow away everyone. Well forget it, we blew teh last two seasons and this year we aint coming back. But we wouldnt be chooks fans without what Dr. Smith prescribes...oh the pain!
1. Mitchell V Moylan - People compare this young chook whos still finding his feet, to Greg Inglis. Personally I cant see it because this kid doesnt dive at the feet of defenders. Nor does he hold the ankle of an attacker as he gets up after tackling them. If he did the other team would get the penlty, unlike teflon Souffs. He takes on the Whiz of the Bris, the wiff from the Riff, The King of Metho from Letho - The Snip. Sharp as a razor you gotta get in tight with this guy or he'll slice you up and dance all over you.
2. Tupou V Mansour - Hot and cold for the lanky Mr Hanky thus far. Its hard to get confident when the team is falling apart around you like a methodone addict from Mt.Druitt Hospital. Hes starting to score some points and with that you can see the relief as he loses that bogged down feeling. He's up against "Leather" Masour, who was an old Western Suburbs leather furniture dealer in the 70s.Not to be mistaken for Leather Tuscadero from Happy Days, the only commonality between this guy and his opposite, is his opposite is called Double Steamer, whwereas this guy plays like one.
3. Elliot V Waqa Blake - Last time I saw this guy was at St.Merge Leagues club in 1995 doing pan faced comedy. 20 years later, "Goblet" is making everyone laugh at centre three quarter. Hes up against the little Kookaburra on the pack of a Billabong ice cream. As the slogan goes..Wakya laughing gear around a Pauls Billabong. This guy will struggle tonight having mistaken BillaBong, for Billy's Bong.
4. Ferguson V Hiku - One of my fave shows in the 70s was On The Buses. And the funniest clown on there was Blakey. Forever trying to get Stan the driver sacked for being a lazy pom bludging twat, he's up against "Hiccup". This matchup is completely comnfusing to me. Blakey the conductor looks like he's got the hiccups when he runs the ball, and the kid with the hiccups runs like a ****ing bus conductor. Look out for the Riff sound guy to queue the theme from Benny Hill as they run out.
5. SKD v Dallin - Skidmark is somewhat an enigma at the Chooks. From a young raw teen making his debut knowing how to sniff a tryline and bomb crucial tries with the best of them, he's grown into a club record holder and legend, who knows how to sniff the try line and bomb crucial tries with the rest of them. Looking forward to seeing him matchup with Darlene from Letho. She'll be looking at making an early impact and trying to get on top of Skidmark, as if he was one of the three fathers to her 5 kids.
6. Nikorima V Martin - The thing I like about this kid is he actually has everything you want from a player, stashed away in his arsenal and hopefully we'll see some of that tonight. He's like a vending machine in Nagasaki. From a bottle of Sake, to toilet paper rolls, this kids your one stop shop. He's up against the classy brit Aston. MAde famous by JAmes Bond films he too is equiped with the element of surprise in his arsenal. Who am I kidding, Vending MAchine is more bubble gum ball machine, and Aston is more Koucher.
7. Hastings V Soward - Lil Hoz, son of the great man Horrie, still has a way to go in the 7, but is growing into the role with each hit out. He's up against ex Chook and Merge Stain ia a veteran of several Chipmunk films as well as a 10 EP record deal with Arista - Alvin's the guy whos always running around with a mouth full of nuts, and is always out to give us a hard time. If its close, his boot may be the difference. In comparison, Lil Hoz needs to find a bigger boot.
8. Moa V Mckendry - He was bagged earlier on this season for a sluggish start, and maybe the new rules on interchange was denting his impact, but he's starting to zip start first go and is covering the grass as well as ever, mowing dowewn meters relentlessly. He's up against Mrs. I had a kindegarten teacher Called Mrs McKendry. She was a hippy chick who played guitar, probably liked to wakya laughing gear around billy's too, but I remember she had cute toes. It was the only foot fetish I can recall having - at age 6. Unfortunately for this guy, he cant even tie his own laces.
9. Friend V Wallace - The sandwich hand has spent so much time in Bondi Ink he has sleeves on his sleeves on his sleeves. He looks like he swallowed Todd Carney and Asia Carerra. He's probably entitled to shares in the beach side ink den. He's up against a bit of a journeyman in Insolent Kilt. Like his name sake of Scottish folk lore, he is talked about as a hero of them Riff highlands. In actual fact he's nothing more than a nuisance, and will end up drawn quartered and strung up as a prop in teh next Wolf Creek movie.
10. Napa V Campbell - LAst week we saw teh coming of age from Napalm who scorched the earth with every run and every monsterous tackle against The Vermin. He will continue his dominance this week as he's matched up with "Galveston". Like the song by Glen Campbell, not as good as made out to be. Still, CAmpbell won a Grammy, but the only gong this guys going to get is the bellringing from Napalm.
11. Aubbuson V Cartwright - I reckion the best this year so far has been Nanny McPhee. This ugly spinster has shown the discipline and commitment of a winner even in a losing side. I liove how he just does whats expected, never complains and just loves the jersey. He's facing old time family favourite "Come on Down". We'll see this kid excitedly take the field but when push comes to show will he choose the car in front of the blender? Probably. Ba Bow!
12. Guerra V YEo - Dirty Sanchez has had a sluggish start to the season. Its not easy coming back when youre constantly sent over the boarder by immigration, only to have the cartel bosses spin you around and send you back over. He;s dropped teh p[ackage more than delivered this season. Lets hope he isnt relegated to Taco commercials. He's got to lift as he takes on Yo-Yo. This kid is not a flash in the pan. He's solid, consistent, and will need a disciplined effort to put his into a spin.
13. Liu V Merrin - There's rumours of a third installment of Charlie's Angels. Lucy will be called back for encore but this time she'll be out to steal the show from CAmeron Diaz and Drew BArrimore. Speaking of haor lip, "HAir Lip" is called this because when you say his name you sound like you have a cleft palette or hair lip. It doesnt matter what ity is, nobodys listening to him anyway.
Look Im not confident. I dont even know where were playing at. But What I do know is Skid mark will score tonight, bomb one and gift them posession on our 20 on the 2nd carry.
Having said that, Chooks by 12.
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